I woke up stiff and tired like the tin man, hungry for grease and hormonally motivated to indulge myself. The two cups of-black oil-dark roast didn’t do much other than render my eyes half open. I devised a plan, one that included shame and hypocrisy-universal to my being as a breathing contradiction- and foods I testify against for the benefit of my clients, and in the past, my children.

My first client was at 6:00AM. I was up by 4:45AM and had to train-life coach- four people that day before picking up my kids at 11:30AM for a long day at the pool. I knew there was only one man who could help me. He’s actually a terrible guy but he’s so addictive, and bad for you in an “oh so good” way. When my kids were younger I taught them to loathe him, to find him repulsive and to see him as the enemy, but that was when I was on an illusive quest for perfectionism.

His name is, “Old McDonald,” like the farmer from the song as my kids used to call him before they knew his real name. He sells sugars disguised in many forms and fats of the worst variety, but he’s been in the American group conscious since the 1950’s and I don’t see him leaving us healthy anytime soon. He’s bright and friendly, economical sound and he comes with play-sets and toys, he courts current trends-coffee, WIFI and Vitamin Water- and most of all he makes you feel good when your frown is upside down.

After my first client I headed to his house annoyed by traffic lights delaying my visit with his good love. I pulled in his driveway and noticed all the things he had to offer, and then he spoke, “Hello, welcome to McDonalds, would you like to try a value meal, chocolate pie or Café’ Caramel today?” I salivate, “Hi, no thank you, but I’ll have a jumbo Diet Coke and an egg Mc Muffin, please.” He responds with a kind offer,”Would you like to add two hash-browns to your order? The value meal is only ten cents more. I was so tempted but stopped myself. “No thank you.” “Please drive around.”

I drove away with my package and unwrapped the – porky parts, super sized cheese fat, oddly shaped egg-prize as I sucked down half of the chemical- fizzy cola flavored- beverage thru an extra wide Mc Straw. I was more than satisfied, I was down-home flavored indignant about it. “I’ve been eating this stuff since I was kid and it hasn’t killed me yet. People (I) get so crazy about what to eat and what not to eat. I workout six to seven days a week, I’m allowed to have Mc Donald’s every now and then if I damn well please. I know it’s made of foul, Earth polluting doom and gloom, but I’m only human and I have my limits. I’d love to be greener than good marijuana everyday, hydroponic like a crisp head of Bibb, and eat only organically grown and raised animals but I can’t because I’m a lazy, overindulged American whose convictions change based on convenience and I’m proud of it!

I’m all about finding balance even if that includes eating trans fat before a spin class, or taking my kids to McDonalds once a week as an inexpensive activity. Life changes and we all must reach or bow accordingly. When I was kid I dreamed of scoffing down at Mc Donald’s, but as an adult, and a new mom in a different financial class I scoffed at the idea, and now I’m somewhere in between.

I’m an evolving human capable of change and almost always find myself chewing on my words. However, more and more I’m learning to say, “Maybe, you never know, and I’m not sure, and I frequently ask myself, “Is this keeping me centered?”

I’m no longer searching for perfectionism instead I’m focusing on keeping my footing on the balance beam of happiness which includes everything but extremes-mostly, and I’m trying to accept myself and everyone else as perfect just the way we are-most of the time.

P.S. I wrote this while the kids played on the play-set at Chic Fila.


About Runs With Tigers

I'm like air, forever flowing, moving, changing, gaining and losing myself, undefinable. View my complete profile
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2 Responses to McHypocrite

  1. Susie Lazega says:

    I love it! If this is the new style – give me more…and on a tough day when Mc-y-D’s is calling to me – I will surely think of this and have a good chuckle! It’s got to be better to give in to some stuff once in a while, rather than berate ourselves for it. Amen to all that sister! Well put and fun to read!

  2. britt says:

    The most important lesson from this piece is to always be yourself and love yourself. I am so glad that through this process you are comfortable with yourself and are having fun being you!! The real you, a McD, cupcake eating beautiful woman who found the meaning of true love within and without.

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