The Divorcee’s Neighborhood

It seems like my neighborhood is getting closer to meeting the projected goal of the nationwide divorce rate of 51%.  Let’s not all stand up at once and cheer, please raise your issue-branded-appendage if you’d like to be heard.  I have plenty to say but my thoughts are having a fling with my sarcasm.

We have a neighbor who’d like to speak,  she’s fighting an expensive battle with her ex over percentages. She wants her kids 61% of the time while he wants 52.5% custody. They hate each other now over 8.5 points, well done.  Another friend wants to split custody, and still be able to move out-of-state if he pleases. This should work out well with one “GUD, or Geographically Undesirable Divorcee,” as co-parent for their kids.

Oh yes, of course you’re upset.  I see you baby. I know your little heart’s been stomped on by that tramp in your bed. I’m sure that fit about the affair-in your front yard-with your trifling, cheating ex, helped the situation. The whole neighborhood definitely needed to hear you fighting in the driveway about, “Let me tell you what I told the kids…..etc.” I think using your kids as a weapon is ideal for getting even with your ex, score!

I know there are others of you out there who are undecided, or too afraid to come clean, but you’re not alone. If you’re being unfaithful to your spouse, just tell them. What do you have to lose, your integrity? If you’re not happy in your home, take matters in your own hands by creating a new one, I’m sure it’s the other person’s fault anyway, a fresh start should help. Oh, your mate’s a drunk, over-weight and too old now, what a mess. I’m guessing you’ll never end up with that type again. If you fantasize about having sexual relations with a same-sex partner, well then, you may be gay, consider your options, there may be something to this one. Oh, and abuse, well, get the fuck out and fast…need I say more?

Despite my cynical tone, I understand the many reasons why people get divorced,  but what I don’t get it is why it has to hurt our kids. My prolific judgments about others speaks to the discomfort I feel about not being able to make things “make-believe” perfect for my children.  I hate divorce because of what I perceive it does to them. Kids shouldn’t be caught in the middle of adult situations, but the fact is even if you do your damnedest to get along, and not involve them in your divorce-drama, sometimes your kids do end up feeling responsible. And that’s what’s sad. But we’re only human.

Last night at *Rainbows, after being asked why his parent’s got divorced, my son said, ” My parent’s got divorced because they work too much, and because I didn’t behave well enough.” His words sent currents of guilt, like electricity under my skin, for me to examine. When I looked for the positive it was there, and my guilt subsided. I’m grateful for Rainbows, it’s teaching my son to talk things out before they fester. I’m relieved to hear he’s able to put his feelings into words, and I’m thankful for the opportunity to explain things to him he doesn’t understand.

The divorce rate in this country is 51% and rising, and I decided that I made the right decision by dissolving my marriage even though it means my children seemingly have to struggle more than others. The circumstance they’re in now may someday help them to better understand themselves as children and adults.  I think my situation with my ex is a stellar example of how and why people should get divorced, but it doesn’t mean I like it. I wish there would’ve been another way,  but there wasn’t. My ex told our son, “Some people are better off being friends, than married,” and I have to agree with him. The truth is, we (none of us) have any idea which situation is better for our families over the long haul, and sometimes we have to step out from behind our comfort shield in order to grow. I think the most important thing for me is something my step-mom told me the other day. She said, “You can’t let guilt control your life. You have to move forward with your decision.” For me that means I have to stop craning my head backwards, and charge forward with my heart.  I did the right thing, and my children will be okay, and loved no matter how our family evolves.

Well, you’ve been down my street, and up my driveway, how’s yours looking? Stay there, or run.

*Rainbow groups aren’t for Gay’s and Lesbian’s. Rainbows are support groups for children of divorce, abandonment, and who’ve lost a parent to death. It is supported by the Junior League.)


About Runs With Tigers

I'm like air, forever flowing, moving, changing, gaining and losing myself, undefinable. View my complete profile
This entry was posted in crossing boundaries, Divorce, Gay Men, in love with a woman, Lesbian, Lesbian Marriage, love, married to a man, Over-eaters, Rainbows and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to The Divorcee’s Neighborhood

  1. Ken says:

    Oh goodness, the drama! It does suck that the kids have to feel responsible but in the long run if things are miserable at home and cant be fixed, then its best. I think whats most important is a place that everyone feels safe in.

  2. Susie says:

    Congratulations on your 70th post!!! My parents divorced in the late 70″s. I think I am a fairly evolved person – mostly even keel and all that. I have been through my share of interesting circumstances with my parents and on my own. To this day, even with all the thoughtfulness and insight of family members trained in the field of helping people with issues – stuff still comes up. This growing up thing is not for sissies, no matter your age, or where you have come from, or what you are heading into. There seems to be learning at every turn. I guess the best thing we can do for ourselves is accept that and keep on going with the flow. My mom told me just yesterday, when responding to someone think first – is it kind, is it truthful, & is it necessary….amen. xoxo, SBL

  3. Britt says:

    Your decision to be completely honest and true is inspiring and will shine through all of the day to day issues and make for two terrific adults some day as well.

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