I heard a talk yesterday that made it’s way to my heart. It crept around me until I let it in, I resisted it because I knew it to be true, it stung, but I needed to hear it. It changed me a little, if only 0.001 percent, still it touched a piece of who I am; and revealed more about what I know and don’t know about love.
The speaker,Reverend Paul Gonyea said,
“People will continually come and go in our life, in all sorts of different ways. Some of them drift away, some of them storm out the door, some of them die; there’s nothing we can do about it. It is never the purpose of love to hold people to us forever. All we can do is to love them while they’re here, and to let that love live on when they’re gone. Love is what brings us together, and if we’re very fortunate, it may even keep us together for a long time. It may not be our decision whether someone stays or goes in our life, but it’s always our decision whether our love for them stays or goes. In that way, love is always a choice.”
Below is the link to a pod-cast from The Center For Spiritual Living on the topic of love. It’s fascinating, and real–heart-piercing truth. It talks about love being like a number, it never goes away. There will always be 3’s, and 4’s and 5’s, etc no matter what happens in this world. This talk made me cry, it spoke to my spirit and whispered in my ear, “It’s over sweetheart. She’s done with you.” It mentions loving people (to a detriment–the only way I know how) but it also talks about how to really love which is to look thru the eyes of love.
The speech is from Feb 9, 2014 entitled “Looking Thru The Eyes Of Love.” I hope you can enjoy it if you have 35 minutes of free to time to listen. Otherwise, for me, one of the main points to take away is this:
There is enough love. It doesn’t leave us because we are love, we’re not separate from it. Love neither adds nor subtracts, it just remains.
Today I feel broken of her love, scarred deep within, marred and disfigured. I’ll never see her the same way again. I can’t rely on anything I ever knew before. My denial can’t conceal the truth: She’s at zero. Her love for me has changed. My love for her is changing.
I bumped in to her at a bustling Kroger today (packed with crazy-eyed–Atlanta, 2014 ClusterFlake victims in search of sundry essentials) after having a few email exchanges with her over the weekend, and a long phone conversation. When I saw her I felt more detached than ever before. She didn’t seems as appealing.
I’ve been beaten down to a state of submission, like a humble warrior, to accept her way of thinking. I am no longer in control or in charge of anything. I lift my arms, a show of peace, and walk away in the face of defeat, yet I’m content. I feel calm. I gave my all and in the end what I got was more closure, which is something, and I’ll take it over nothing.
I will fill you in later on what happened over the weekend, and what transpired between us. My blog has received over 19,100 hits. I hope to make to 20,000 by my 40th birthday. I’d like to be able to use the numbers as leverage to gain small-time-capital from investors to help me finish my book.
Here is the link:
Oh my, there’s so much still for me to learn.
Hold on to each other.
Smooches and pets,